In sex relation between a man and his wife, why is it that most women usually feel frustrated approaching their husband first?

Those women who are finding it difficult to approach their husband first in their love making is because they have a special kind of spiritual pride and also a prestigious pride that is controlling their mind in order to help them practice self restraint in sex, which also helping them with loyalty, dignity, self respect, respect for their husband and respect for their marriages. In every marriage there are always problems and a wife that are of these above qualities, she would have a firm faith in Allah (swt) which would strengthen her in patience to bear and to forbear all the test, trial and tribulation which life has to offer in a marriage she would not look to turn to a next man in her difficult time with her husband. Most men do not understand why their wives are finding it hard to go to them (make a first move in their love making) I hope my answer would (by Allah swt Grace) help them with some understanding on this matter.

In situation where the husband oppressed his wife to make the first move in approaching him for loving making, a wife that is loyal and respectful to him she would rather move away from him, than going to him first in this regard and this would cause her to feel very lonely and resentful towards her husband especially if he is insultive and abusive to her in this regard, this kind of behavior in a marriage will cause a downfall.Insha Allah I will try to quote three passages from the Holy Qur’an which can help them (men) with some kind of understanding as to how they (the men) should take control of their marriages and of their wives feelings.

The Holy Qur’an states: Chapter 1 Verse 87

(Mention to the men) Approach your wives they are your garments and you are their garments as well. These verses show that men and woman are each other garment they are for mutual support, mutual comfort and mutual protection, fitting in to each other as a garment fits the body, a garment is also used in both ways for show and for concealment a clear open and honest relationship is better than fraud self deception and oppressiveness. Sex between a man and his wife is not something to be ashamed of but the question is; since it is a very delicate matter to handle, the men are the one who shall be in charge of such approach since Allah (swt) gave them more strength and more power of authority over women.

The Holy Qur’an states:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).4:34

These verse tells the truth of a man about his relationship to his wife. The Holy Qur’an states:

Permitted to you, on the night of the fasts, is the approach to your wives. They are your garments and ye are their garments. 2:187

They ask thee concerning women’s courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean. 2:222

Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. 2:223

Men must not have pride going to his wife to approach his wife for sex; lots of men rather buy gifts for their wives than to approach her firstly in their love making. Why is this? Because of the pride in them; to buy gift is easier than to get rid of pride from their hearts. They shower the wives with gifts and oppress her buy expecting her to make the first approach in their love making (how sad!)

Women that are loyal to their husband they do not treat sex as a light matter or to be indulged in it to excess, they respect it as compare to a husband man’s title and a very serious affair to him, since he is the one who has to sow the seed in order to reap the harvest and he should be the one to choose his own time and mood of cultivation.Most men and (women) carry within himself the worst enemy which is the pride of selfishness and arrogance, and due to this pride of evil, lots of marriages are weakening and are falling apart. In these verses so far spoke only to the men of what their wives means to them, and how they should be the one to approach them at their (Men) convenience (so long as she is clean). So the men who are oppressive to their wives, they need to stop and pay heed to these verses from the Holy Qur’an, if they are true believers.

Here are something’s that might help to put some light in to ones dull spirit and at the same time help one to change themselves in order for them to have a better life in this world and in the hereafter.

There are three stages of the development of the human soul:

1. Ammara: Which is prone to evil and if not checked and controlled will lead to perdition.
2. Lawwama: Which feels conscious of evil and resists it also quick in the race to seek forgiveness and make amendment in the hope to reach salvation.
3. Mutma-inna: The highest stage of all which achieves full rest and satisfaction, Man owns spirit has a conscience which would reproach him for sin, if he does not suppress that inner voice.